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The Colbert Report/Episode/565
Production Info |- |} |- |} The Check-In * Dr. Colbert told his Jewish Friend that he should be able to toss to his tolerable co-worker Jon Stewart ** he looked backward to seeing it Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert arose to give a short, smart bow to His Mob and successfully juggled a pen to begin The Report ** finishing off with a fling of his WristStrong * an object at rest tends to kiss his ass * California researchers created a super laser ** it can burn as hot as stars ** it reminds Dr. Colbert of the Death Star * We Have A Death Star! * Hey, North Korea & Iran! ** suck my giant planet-destroying ball * Dr. Colbert tested out his new powers on Killer ** who turned the tables on him! * Yoda recommended Stephen hire Killer SEGMENT2 * Boos of approval * California judges saved marriage ** like the abs on Abercrombie & Fitch models * Ted Olsen & David Boies are fighting for ** like an episode of Dukes of Hazzard where the Duke boys teamed with Boss Hogg to pay for Cooter's sex change operation * founding fathers never conceived of gay marriage ** just wigs and panty hose * Barbara Boxer calls it separate but equal * Tonight's word: I Do, You Don't * 18,000 gay marriages are still valid * 3 classes of partnership * straight couples ** has Goddy-Style * Domestic Partnerships * Gay Marriages grandfathered in ** collector's items * create many kinds of marriages so gays won't feel singled out # straight couples without kids: non-parent # * create categories ** gay couples won't be equal, but they won't be the only ones separate Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger * everyone is wasting time discussing the Supreme Court nominee ** Dr. Colbert is the only judge you need * Wag to Obama ** invited Iran to our embassies for July 4th * Tip to Craig T. Nelson ** taught America about self-reliance on Glenn Beck *** beyond all the free money he got from the government, he got nothing *** he had to eat his own food * Wag to General Motors ** not for the Pontiac Aztec ** GM acknowledged that 20,000 employees would lose their jobs *** without mentioning how this effects the robots * Tip to unemployed robots ** Dr. Colbert realizes their sacrifices *** also realizes when they have too much time on their hands ** he salutes them; asking them to remember who their friends are * Tip to the Tienanmen Tank ** stood up to that Chinese student, during the democracy uprising 10 years ago this week ** on behalf of America, Stephen wants to say "tanks" Interview * Eric Schlosser ** book: Fast Food Nation:The Dark Side of the All-American Meal ** new movie: Food Inc. * guest as made a doc about how corporations control what we eat and drink ** it's bologna * paid respects to Stephen by standing up * doesn't care what Stephen is eating * just wants to show what people are eating ** doesn't intellectual properties of corporate food makers * fecal material is a fancy, science word for poop * God gave us dominion over the animals ** if we can get 30,000 in one spot, why can't we? ** rinse your steak before grilling * kitchens are like little factories * factory hamburger is made up of thousands of cattle ** complains about * blames food borne illness on factory farms * last 30 years bizarre science-fiction factory farm systm ** the cows wore jet packs * Dr. Colbert will not see the film * Dr. Colbert's ingredient * mechanically separated meat ** last meat they don't know what to do with * has a beef with corn ** and perhaps corned beef * government subsidized corn production * corn eventually becomes meat * the point of the film * what super powers do you get with corn * handful has taken over our food system ** free market system * science-guy Darwin * Monsanto ** control 90% of the soy beans * not capitalism; it's socialism * Obama ??? Epilogue * Dr. Colbert ends this Report with: : this is the way the show ends, : this is the way the show ends, : this is the way the show ends, : not with a bang, : but with a whimper * Then he said, "you did use your English Degree!" Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments